Joke of the Week
Posted by Kevin Clement
in Of Interest
Joke of the Week – May 23, 2020
This week’s joke is courtesy of Martha Lyddon
An Older Woman gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: Like I said, I killed and hacked up the owner. His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see them.
The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for immediate assistance and back-up. Within minutes, five police cars encircle the old woman’s car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
Officer #2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The older woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Sir?
Officer #2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car, murdered the owner and put bags of him in pieces, in the trunk.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer #2: Is this your car, Ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer #2: One of my officer claims that you do not have a driver’s license.
The older woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the purse and the license he finds in it. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer #2: Thank you Ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the stupid liar told you I was speeding, too!
Joke of the Week – May 16, 2020
You can’t blame us for this week’s joke! This joke, or rather comedy routine, was submitted by Peter Dawson (with some help from Hilary), who clearly missed his calling when he didn’t become a stand-up comedian. You can read Peter’s patter here … and click for sound effects.
I asked my personal trainer if she could train me to do the splits? She said: “Maybe…it depends how flexible you are.” I said: “Well, I can’t do Tuesdays”… Click here for sound
I recently bought a CD of whale-song—I thought it would be relaxing. But when I got it home I realized it was a cover version by a tribute band of dolphins… Click here for sound
I’ve just been on the vacation of a life-time. I’ll tell you what, though—never again!… Click here for sound
I sold my vacuum cleaner on eBay. Well, it was only gathering dust!… Click here for sound
Thanks Peter and Hilary!